Months — if not years — of therapy, hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars spent…and, are we still unable to have harmony in our present day relationships? How can this be?
“They did the best they could” is what we finally muster?
How many of us have reached this less than satisfactory summation of our upbringing?
I surely did!
The problem, I found, is that this seemingly generous statement of acceptance seemed to continue to imply that I am the victim. Surely, many of us were indeed victims of our childhood; whether tyranny or neglect the wounds can go deep.
However, it’s important to gently acknowledge that we are adults now. We are no longer at the mercy of childhood authorities. And, while I don’t believe that I can ever have my childhood back, nor should I attempt to heal myself through children of my own, there is a simple principle that many of us know. Now, let’s take it out of the closet, dust it off and utilize it!
We can parent ourselves. If your eyes rolled back in your head at this prospect...I get it! But, stay with me....
I made a decision a while back that if I live life in reaction to how I was treated decades ago, it surely cheapens the gift I’ve been given. Nonetheless, my default seemed to be getting into relationships that were difficult and then finding my reward in the few moments when I could get them to work. There seemed to be some semblance of healing there. But, nothing lasting…and certainly nothing intimate.
So how then could I be free of the sense of victimization I continued to carry?
Picture this: a darling little seven year old boy. Every night his mom puts him to bed and says, “Sweetheart, I love you. What are two things that you are grateful for about today, and what is one thing you love about yourself?” This continues the next night, and the next, and the next. In fact this loving mother has put her son to bed every night of his short sweet life with these questions.
Imagine now, this boy growing into a young man. He has challenges, ups and downs, loss and all that becoming an adult brings. His mother no longer puts him to bed, but he can hear her voice in his head…gratitude and love.
Wow! What a magnificent filter to process life.
Unfortunately, many voices in our head are rife with tension and loaded with fear and failure. In last week’s blog I wrote about adding the positive rather than trying to eliminate the negative…and, in doing so, the negative seems to drift away.
Consider this. Rather than trying to fight off, turn down or eliminate the voices you carry that are negative, demeaning, non-supportive or unkind, how about ending your day, everyday, with two simple questions?
- What are two things I am grateful for about today?
- What do I love about myself?
We can’t change the past. But we can build a better future for ourselves.
I am in awe of this simple tool shared with me by the lovely Jessica Corral of HeadFarmer in Scottsdale, Arizona. I was lucky enough to meet her this past weekend, and was inspired to pass on the warmth and wisdom she lives by in raising her son. Let’s treat ourselves at least this well...
I can’t wait to hear what you discover!
And, as always I’m in your corner…
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Great post, with empowering suggestions. I’m going to begin utilizing the two question approach, and I’m going to share it with my loved ones! Thank-you.
You are SO welcome, Kim! Thank you for commenting...I LOVE the feedback...and, so pleased you’re going to implement and share! It’s a lovely practice, don’t you think? How is it going? By the way, it was so nice seeing you last week. You sparkle!!! xoxo