Sometimes the way life unfolds doesn’t seem fair, or at a minimum doesn’t seem to make sense.
I have found, however, that if you are patient and dig deep – sometimes – you get magic. Surpassing reason or understanding it generally presents itself as a lovely and unexpected outcome.
When I was married my ex-husband and I tried to start a family. I got pregnant almost right away, but unfortunately miscarried. While this is not terribly unusual, it was extremely sad and disappointing.
When I got pregnant the second time, I made a conscious decision to let myself get excited about it. We talked about names, boy vs. girl, continued reading the pregnancy books and generally gave ourselves permission to embrace the future with joy and anticipation.
There was this little voice that told me from the start “don’t miss a minute of this!” So I jumped fully on the yay-baby-bandwagon!
I was feeling good and we went in for a first trimester checkup. We were told there was no heartbeat. I was, we were…heartbroken.
For reasons other than this my marriage didn’t survive. And within a year and a half three, count them, THREE of my girlfriends were pregnant.
You would think that this could be a cruel blow. But, it had the opposite affect.
The joy that I allowed myself to have when I was pregnant welled up inside of me. I became genuinely excited for my gals. It wasn’t an intellectual obligation…it was indeed magical.
I believe had I not permitted myself to enjoy and rejoice in my pregnancy I would not have been able to connect with this same joy when it was my girlfriends’ turn.
It is so darn tempting to want to protect yourself in advance from heartbreak and disappointment. But, this experience taught me that I’d rather risk hurting, than risk missing out on all the joy life has to offer.
Had I worried about losing the baby, I would not only have missed the experience and anticipation of being pregnant — which was amazing — I wouldn’t have been able to truly share the joy of my dear friends’ amazing blessings.
The truth is I am doubly blessed with a beautiful stepson and Godson. Not consolation prizes or bandages for loss. Simply and uniquely themselves...and I am lucky.
Plus, on every one of my friends’ kiddies’ birthdays, I get to continue in joy and excitement, rather than a remembrance of long ago fears and avoidance of what might happen.
Live fully my friends. I mean REALLY live fully. Stop the worry train! Open yourself to the possibility of getting really excited about your life, even the scary bits — especially the scary bits!
Not only will you survive, you’ll thrive!
How have you been positively surprised when things didn’t go your way? What scary thing is going on in your life right now? Is it helpful to be afraid or worry about the outcome? Is there a different approach you would consider?
I look forward to hearing from you.
And, as always, I’m in your corner…
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