Gratitude? Don’t Make Me Do It!
I must confess, I have had a bit of resistance to gratitude.
And, when Thanksgiving would roll around I knew I was going to be bombarded with “gratitude expectations.” Ugh!
Before you think I’ve gone negative, or lost my marbles, please read on…
How many of you have been reminded to be grateful right smack in the middle of a crisis? The spouse cheats, the house gets foreclosed, a family member gets cancer and then…your hair color goes terribly wrong!
Why do I need to feel grateful? Why can’t I just be angry, hurt, sad, afraid or better yet…bitter.
All of the above crisis happened to me in the last few years, and gratitude seemed to be programmed in.
Husband gone? Well, I’ve got my home. Home gone? I’ve got my family! Family sick…well…I’ve always got gorgeous hair…until I didn’t.
At some point I crossed over and was unable to look for the silver lining. And, the most beautiful thing happened; I ran out of ideas and became willing to be right where I was.
Betrayal, regret, fear, disgust, disappointment…I felt all of it!
The dam burst and for a while it was honestly difficult to function. Yet, I was blessed with the delicate balance of the willingness to finally tell the whole truth about where I was at and the willingness to be healed of what had harmed me...as well as the harm I had done.
The miracle is, for the first time in my life I got to have the experience of letting things unfold at their pace. Not mine.
I’d been so busy steamrolling through much of my life trying to make it a good one, I missed out on the bits of myself that connect me with all of you. It can be a very separate and controlling way to live.
The worst part was that I looked like I had it all together while I was withering away inside.
Today, I live differently. I mostly take life as it comes. And because I’m not so busy trying to maintain an old idea about what a happy life is, I have emotional energy that had been previously drained away.
Energy that gives me an innate spirit of happiness, joy and yes…profound gratitude.
Not because I should be grateful, but because I truly am.
Today. If you need it, I am giving you permission to NOT be grateful.
If you need to kick and scream and throw a tantrum…it may just save your life. At a minimum, it will change it!
And, as with all great turning points, being able to be exactly where you are has the power to pave the path for a way of living where we simply are gratitude.
I look forward to hearing from you on this. Does any of this resonate with you? Or, do you think I’m way off base?
Either way, I look forward to hearing from you, and as always, I am most definitely in your corner…
Love,
Thais
photo credit: Silvia Sala via photopin cc
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Thais,
I thought what you shared, was very real, and touching!
I think to be where you are in the moment that you are is to be in touch with the person you are at that time and to share your intimate feelings when you don’t want to is fine if you feel it’s too painful then you shpuldnt have too.
I feel grateful to have you in my life, thank you
Thais and I hope you have a happy thanksgiving!!!
Love Michelle X
HI Michelle, Thank you so much for your comment. I hope you had a wonderful holiday and I, too, am grateful to have you in my life;) I think what you shared was spot on. It IS about NOT “shoulding” on ourselves, right? To live where we “should” be grateful, is probably just as diminishing of self, as thinking we “should” be able to talk about where we are at. Thank you for bringing that up! Learning kindness and compassion for our own gentle soul is a great start...and whatever comes from that, in my experience...is a bit of magic. Love, Thais xo