Why Joy Can’t Be Found In Controlling The Outcome And What You Can Do Instead

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Before you judge me, let me just say… smart girls need stupid tv, too!

In fact there’s wisdom hidden in them thar hills, so stay with me....

This past week was the finale of yet another season of the love train wreck (a.k.a. The Bachelorette).

I tuned in with millions of others to watch as Desiree was devastated by the loss of Brooks and then flip-flopped and got engaged to Chris within days.

Despite getting raked over the coals by the media for her extreme and seemingly suspicious resiliency, she simply and brilliantly articulated the process she went through. In fact I was struck by her very “real” experience which I find highly unusual for reality tv.

She said that she was “so blind-sided by her emotions for Brooks, that she couldn’t see what was standing right in front of her (Chris).” And, once Brooks removed himself from the equation, — even though the process was shocking and painful – it cleared the way for the true desire of her heart to be delivered.

Are you starting to see what I’m getting at? Keep reading...

I personally applaud all involved. Brooks didn’t get wrapped up with the whirlwind of being on tv and bowed out. Des let herself feel her disappointment, yet remained open to another. And Chris, stayed true to his developing affection for her and to the core of who he was.

There is no doubt that the emotions, and the process, are highly escalated. And the facts remain that these Bachelor/Bachelorette matches rarely succeed.

However, there is a lovely lesson under it all that makes me think Desiree and Chris actually have a better shot than most of their alumnus...

The key to happiness and joy in life is to keep saying YES!

Des got hurt, looked at what was in front of her and said yes! Yes, I’m going to remain open. Yes, I can be happy. Yes, I’m willing for the answer to be no. Yes, things are unfolding unexpectedly….

And when your afraid, it could be you’ve forgotten; the courage to say yes comes from remembering you can say no at any time.

For example, I just started dating a new man and I like him a lot! So my mind can race ahead of where I am at and try to force my heart to make decisions I don’t have to make.

All I know for sure is that I want to go on another date with him. So I said yes to that. I don’t know if I want to be his girlfriend, or go on a trip or get engaged… or any of the dozens of questions you can torment yourself when you connect with another.

Uncertainty in life is inevitable, disappointments are probable and unknowns are constant. This is part of living a full life.

However, it’s important to remember; stress, unhappiness and depression don’t stem from these realities, but rather from the sheer exhaustion of trying to control our outcomes.

Uncertainty? Yes! Disappointments? Absolutely!! Unknowns? Bring ‘em on!!!
What are you afraid of?

Is there a decision tugging at you or troubling you? Even in uncertainty you can say yes and let more be revealed.

I’d love to hear from you on this. Please be sure to comment so we can all be in this together!

And remember, I am most definitely in your corner…


photo credit: stars alive via photopin cc

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