One of the most attractive qualities a woman can possess is knowing who she is and being able to tell the truth about it.

I’ve noticed that many of us – men and women alike – seem to have a lot of fears when starting (or thinking about starting) a romantic relationship.

Whether it’s the fear of; not being enough for them, them not being enough for you, losing perceived freedom, being cheated on or lied to, taken for granted, or just generally being worried it won’t work out. FEAR seems to steal your authenticity and in turn you lose your joy.

The obvious solution would seem: STOP BEING AFRAID. Right?

The tricky thing about being ruled by fear is that it surreptitiously shows up looking like other things; overwhelm, disinterest, anger, controlling, over-sensitivity and even obsession.

In these scenarios, FEAR wins.

It keeps us separate from reality and in turn snuffs out the opportunities life brings to grow, mature and have the love you seek.

Anyone who has had a love relationship that ended often defaults to blaming the other at some point in the process.

And, yes. This includes me! I’ve been cheated on and lied to and it took a long time to see that while I wasn’t responsible for his choices and the vows he broke. I did play an integral part in why our relationship failed…

This clarity didn’t come quickly. My resistance ran deep, and I was often able to justify my behavior as reactionary to his bad behavior, and, “not as bad.”

I spent so much time defending my worth and feeling disappointed that I lost sight of his value, his process and what he wanted. While I’m not proud of this, the more I tell the truth about it, the more I hear others crack the shell of denial and own their own shortcomings, get into forgiveness, love and gratitude.

Why is this important?

It’s important because at our core, we all want to be happy. And, isn’t happiness rooted in freedom? By freedom I mean spiritual and mental freedom, not just the physical, but a feeling of peace under it all.

There’s nothing worse than lingering issues with an ex, that you foolishly think can be fixed by someone “better.”

First of all, it’s not their job to heal you. Second of all… your new love will eventually disappoint you, too. It’s part of being in relationship.

Unfortunately, if you haven’t owned and resolved previous hurts, a molehill of disappointment will quickly turn into what feels like a mountain of betrayal. And, there you are, again feeling like a victim, again blaming the other… and the cycle continues.

So, if you’ve seen this dynamic in your life, as I had. I encourage you to choose the path that claims your freedom!

If you related to this article so far, your process has already begun.

Shining the light of truth on your shortcomings, processing it and letting it change you could be painful, and can take time… but, is OH SO worth it!

Going forward, I challenge you to refuse to allow life’s bumps and bruises to transform you into bitterness, hate or jadedness. Instead, your heart can be softened and shifted towards kindness and an innate longing and ability to be a best friend, playmate, partner and lovah to whomever your man is!

I can attest, despite my personal heartbreak, and even though I’ve never received an amends from my ex, I have genuine love for him and I truly wish him every good thing. REMEMBER: A big part of taking your happiness back, means, you don’t need them to do anything for you to find peace. What they do or don’t do is their business. You are your business.

Are my ex and I best friends? No. That is reserved for another. But, punishing him would do nothing but ruin my chances of living freely and fully.

Who is it from your past that still creates anxiety in your life? What would it take to let them off the hook once and for all? Who are you harming if you insist on being angry at them? You may find you’re not only harming them, but yourself… or your children, or even, your current relationship.

I encourage you to let this be a springboard to a new beginning. You can begin today. Get the support you need and begin your journey. You’re worth it!

And remember, I am most definitely in your corner….

Love,
Thais
xo

photo credit: Leo Reynolds via photopin cc