I used to be late A LOT!
Even though I usually had plenty of time to get where I was going, and even though I knew it was disrespectful to the person waiting…I regularly ran behind. I could only say, “sorry,” so many times, before it was time to take a look...
Sometimes unconsciously, sometimes defiantly I would get side-tracked instead of simply walking out the door to an appointment. I see now that my body was so wired to operate at a certain level of stress — tightness in my stomach, worry, increased breath rate, walking at an urgent pace — that absent of this discomfort, I simply wasn’t motivated!
Furthermore this unfolded into an awakening to what I call my “Underdog Complex.” Meaning, if it wasn’t difficult on some level, it wasn’t worth it. My need to overcome difficulty controlled me so much, that I actually needed to create difficulty to overcome, in order to function at any level of accomplishment. My self-worth was so low, having victory over hardship was the only way I could feel better and more important. And, rushing accomplished that. Rushing = Anxiety = Others Expectations = Importance.
Twisted perhaps. But, effective, nonetheless. Except for the part where I pissed people off, didn’t keep my time commitments and was being ruled by an apparent childhood demon!
Today things are different.
For me the change began with the three “A”s. Awareness. Simply noticing, my need to rush. Then, Acceptance. Instead of beating myself up for falling short — again — I made an effort to accept where I was. I don’t mean telling myself it was correct or acceptable behavior, but that (kindly) – like it or not — it was the reality. No sugar-coating or blaming! And, thirdly, Action. For me I literally prayed for the “need to be late” be removed.
Asking for the “need” to be removed has been integral. Simply trying to not be late, or even asking the heavens…please help me be more on time, never addressed the underlying causes….which, when left unaddressed, would simply pop up into other unwanted “habits.”
Do you create stress as a way to motivate yourself, or feel more accomplished? You’re not alone! But, better than that, there is a way to have motivation and accomplishment that isn’t fueled by who you aren’t, but by who you are!
Awareness. Acceptance and Action. Whatever that looks like, or whatever that means to you...give it a go, and be sure to let me know what you find…I can’t wait to hear from you!
I’m in your corner,
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