In April I wrote about an obsession I developed wondering if a man I was dating was “the one.” You can read it and have a good laugh HERE.

It’s five weeks later and — it’s safe to say — he is not. No harm done, just part of the dating process.

I still sense that my man is headed to me as fast as he can… and, it’s exciting to think about… In the meantime, I have been listening to men and women seeking their post-divorce, or post breakup love and have identified the #1 danger in this quest.

Let me start by saying, it’s common to feel burned when exiting a love relationship and having the attitude; “I don’t want someone like them.”

The problem with that is, that whatever you think about expands and more people like your ex will keep showing up.

But the real danger is that the focus becomes finding the perfect person, rather than becoming the perfect person.

I don’t mean perfect in the sense, of unflawed. But rather, personal perfection within the lessons life has tried to teach us.

I write “tried to teach” because so often we can make our relational difficulties the other persons fault. When really, it’s the Universe repeatedly knocking, saying, “Hey, you might want to do something about this shortcoming of yours if you want to be happy in life.”

It can be a bitter pill. And there are many stages in a lifetime of improving. However, if you remain teachable, what could be a grueling process of one first date after another could become a lovely journey of discovery and affirmation.

One of my eye-openers was my need to control my environment. I like it peaceful, comfortable and quiet. However, when spending time with a man who finds his comfort in a lot of activity and background noise, it felt chaotic to me and I tried to make his environment suit me. From my perspective, it was so much better to have calm around us.

The problem is that it was his home, his habits and his life to live exactly the way he was comfortable. Yet, I decided that I needed to ask him to be different, so that I could be comfortable.

There is nothing wrong with making requests. Except that, I was unknowingly carrying the expectation that I needed a particular outcome, if I were going to feel relaxed and happy. And beyond that, I carried the idea that my way was a better way to live.

The stunning revelation to me was my close-mindedness. Especially, when I consider myself open-minded and open-handed.

When fueled by past hurts and disappointments it can be easy for you to fall into this same trap, too.

Consider taking a look at where you might be able to relax your rules for happiness in a way that allows in a true and fluid joy…

What comes to mind? What do you consider deal breakers? Are they really, or are they ways you protect yourself from the fear of being hurt? Is it time for a deeper healing, growth and happiness?

I look forward to hearing from you. And remember, whatever it is I am definitely in your corner…

With love,
Thais

photo credit: John McLinden via photopin cc