Healthy Boundaries or Missed Opportunities?
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LeanIn.FB

A few weeks ago I returned from a much overdo voyage to visit family and friends in Greece.

I traveled with my mother and stayed with friends and relatives along the way. And… we shared a room for 23 days and nights.

My mother and are close and get along well. But even so, I had my trepidation about such a long trip in such close quarters.

As it turns out, I had nothing to fear. That is... until day 18.

I seemed to have reached a wall and felt annoyed by her (and no doubt her by me, as well). I decided I needed a break, would change our plans and take a breather for the next day, adventuring on my own.

Then a little voice tickled my heart.. you know that voice? The one that quietly prompts you to try something different, that you have nothing to be afraid of… or even, don’t go that way...

Anyway, my little voice said, “lean into it.” Which confused me, since I clearly needed to step away, as was my custom when I feel overwhelmed. I’ve had a lot of practice with boundaries, and taking a break after 18 days seemed like a good one.

But, the whisper persisted “don’t miss this time.”

This gave me pause. As I sat with it, I got the sense that setting my boundary, in this case, could be a missed opportunity for growing the special experience my sweet mom and I had begun.

While there is certainly nothing wrong with taking a breather, I realized this was my time to practice leaning into the things that trouble me, instead of stepping away.

Learning to step away has been a vital key in building relationships as I’ve matured. But, having grasped this valuable tool, clearly it was time for me to evolve into something more. Perhaps someone who – while I understand the value of self care – may want to consider the affect on my relationships as a whole, and the intimacy limiting act of regularly needing to step away.

Everyone is different and you have different seasons in your life of moving away from and moving towards situations. But, when you have practiced something for a long time, you may be ready for a new lesson.

If there is frustration and your solution has continually been to move away, perhaps, the idea now is to resolve the actual source of the frustration by leaning into it.

In my experience, the source of the frustration is usually within ME, not the other person.

Thank goodness for that quiet little voice.

What is it for you… can you think of a situation where a healthy boundary turned into running away from a relationship? Was there a lost opportunity you want to reclaim?

No worries…we can grow up together!

And remember, I am most definitely in your corner…

With love,
Thais

photo credit: Casey David via photopin cc


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